admin collection

“Do not shed tears when I have gone but smile instead because I have lived”.

So you’ve been asked to give a eulogy. You probably feel honored, but also very nervous. You may not have delivered a eulogy before and perhaps not even spoken in front of a crowd. It can seem daunting to be charged with saying a final farewell, especially when you’re dealing with your own grief. Speaking from the heart and sharing what made the person special to you are the most important parts of writing a eulogy but there are some things you can do to make it easier to write.

“There’s so much to say, where do I start”?

Like any story you would write, you’ll need a beginning, a middle and an end. It might be a good idea to think about the people that will be listening to your speech as well as the person you’re speaking about. Your audience will want to feel you have captured the essence of the person – what makes them special and what they meant to you. Before you begin writing, decide on the tone of your speech. Will it be light-hearted or serious? Whichever way you choose to go, think about how that will be received by your audience.

You should start by introducing yourself as there may be family and friends that don’t know you. If you’re related to the deceased explain how and if you’re a friend, talk about where and when you met.This gives your speech context and lets people know where you fit into the life of the deceased.

“What does everyone want to hear”?

Write your eulogy just as you would say it. Use your normal conversational vocabulary and tone, and avoid fancy or unfamiliar language. Don’t feel compelled to turn your tribute into a poem. What is important is clearly expressing your thoughts.

A good eulogy doesn’t just tell the audience about the person – in a sense it brings the person to life in their imagination and gives them something by which to remember them. You can do this by telling stories about the person: the happy things, the funny things, the sad things, the unusual things that happened, which sum up their life. Talking about these and the enduring qualities which describe what they were really like as a person, will help you build a picture for the audience with your words.

“How much do they want to hear?”

The average eulogy is about 3-5 minutes long. That should be enough for you to give a meaningful speech about the deceased. Remember that less is more; you don’t want to try the patience of the audience during such a sad occasion.

If you intend to play a piece of music or give a reading after your eulogy, you can end by explaining why you’ve chosen it. If not, then a good way could be to end with a short sentence of farewell, maybe the very last thing you said to them – or wanted to say to them – before they died.

“Why would I bring up such a morbid subject”?

Truth be told, pre planning a funeral doesn’t have to be morbid, or sad, or awkward. It can definitely be hard to start the conversation but having the discussion about end-of-life arrangements offers the opportunity to deepen our relationship with our loved ones while we have the time. Advanced planning means your family won’t be left with difficult funeral decisions, which is the last thing you need when facing grief and stress. It also can give families peace of mind knowing the final arrangements are something that was meaningful and important to their loved one. In a way, making end-of-life arrangements is the final gift a person can give their loved ones.

“Ok, so how do I begin the conversation”?

Think about the conversation being an opportunity to share stories.. Think about where you will be physically, somewhere that you and your loved one will be able to open up and share stories, ideas and feelings. This might be in the family living room, on a walk, at a quiet table in a favourite café, anywhere familiar and comfortable for everyone. Now for the hard part, actually finding the words to start the conversation. While you will need to make the purpose of the conversation clear, there are lots of gentle ways to start it.

“What’s your happiest childhood memory”?
“What jobs have you done and what life lessons did they teach you”?
“What is your proudest achievement”?
“What’s the one piece of advice you’ve been given that you’ve never forgotten”?
“How did you meet………”
“What song sums you up”?

These kinds of questions are great conversation starters and will help to start bringing back memories. You’re bound to find out something new. Especially if you don’t usually have these kinds of talks.

You may not get everything you need in one go but at least you’ve started the conversation. Over time, you can get around to the finer details such as the type and style of funeral, whether they would like to be buried or cremated, the final resting place – cemetery or scattering of ashes, what kind of casket or urn, music and readings, even the type of hearse they would like.

It’s a good idea to keep a record of these details so that you can continue to add and change them as time goes by and new ideas spring to mind. You can download a free pre planning guide here that you can fill in and keep.

“What do I do now”?

When a loved one passes, either expectedly or unexpectedly you can be left feeling overwhelmed. Especially if this is the first time you’ve had to deal with the death of somebody close to you. You may feel like there’s so much to do and so little time or completely lost as to where to start. The main thing to remember here is to SLOW DOWN. There is no rush, and there is help available to guide you through this difficult period.

“Who do I ask for help”?

It’s advisable to use a funeral director to help you through this time. A funeral director can handle all aspects of your loved one’s funeral for you, including the smallest details. They’re your adviser, organiser, administrator and supporter. You can find some information here about how to choose the right funeral director for you. https://davisfunerals.co.nz/about/news/10-questions-ask-choosing-funeral-home/

“What happens next?”

Once you have chosen a funeral director, they will take your loved one into their care and prepare them in accordance to your wishes. There are some important choices you will need to make. Don’t feel alone when you’re making these decisions. If you’re unsure or need some advice, your funeral director has travelled this journey many times with families and understands your needs and the pressures you may be experiencing. With their assistance, you will be able to arrange a meaningful farewell for your loved one. Choices you will need to think about include whether or not you would like your loved one to be embalmed, what you would like them to wear, if you would like to spend time with your loved one, did they want to be buried or cremated, the location of the service and who will lead it, the type of casket you would like for your loved one, and other details that your funeral director can help you with.

“How does this all come together”?

Your funeral director will arrange a time to meet with you and anyone else that will be part of the process. They can come to your home or you can come to the funeral home, whichever is most suitable for you. They will have with them, all the information and advice that you’ll need to make the necessary choices. You do not need to make all the decisions at once and you don’t have to make them all at this first meeting. Rest assured that your funeral director is experienced and will make sure that everything happens at a pace that is right for you and your family. They will put you in touch with a minister or celebrant (whichever you choose) who will also arrange to meet with you and discuss how you would like the service to go, and any special readings or pieces of music you would like to include.

As you make decisions, your funeral director will organise everything you require. They will also guide you through the legal requirements to ensure that there are no delays in holding the funeral.

“What happens on the day”?

On the morning of the funeral, your funeral director will call you and check on how you’re feeling and confirm that everything is in place for the day. They will transport your loved one to the venue and make sure that they and the venue are looking their best. Your funeral director will assist and coordinate the funeral service. They’ll have all mourners seated before the funeral begins, hand out service sheets and ensure music and presentations run smoothly.

At the end of the service, your funeral director will either lead out your loved one’s casket followed directly by the immediate family or, if the casket is not being carried from the funeral venue, they will invite the immediate family to pay their respects before exiting.

If you’re not travelling to the crematorium or cemetery, the farewell will generally be at the funeral service venue. It can be inside the funeral venue or at the hearse, and mourners could be offered a flower to place on your loved one’s casket as a final goodbye gesture.

If the funeral service is going to be followed by a burial or committal service at another location, your funeral director will discuss the most appropriate departure time with you.

When the hearse departs, it will drive away at a sedate pace with its headlights on. Following cars should do the same.

“Now what”?

There are a range of feelings that people have after the funeral some feel relief while for others the reality of the loss now becomes apparent. However you feel, rest assured it is normal and natural. Davis Funerals offer a complimentary bereavement care programme through The Grief Centre. In the weeks following the funeral, you will receive a letter telling you about the programme and how you and your family can receive support. If you feel you need to talk to someone sooner, you can talk to your funeral director and they will put you in touch with The Grief Centre.

Once your funeral director receives your loved ones death certificate, they will be in touch with you to arrange delivery of this. If your loved one was cremated, they will also arrange delivery or pick up of their ashes once you feel ready.

If you would like more information please feel free to contact us on 09 638 9026 or head to our website Davis Funerals

“What is grief”?

Grief is the normal human process that happens after any kind of difficult change or loss. It’s the way we gradually adjust our life to the reality of what’s happened and become able to move forward again. Grief involves the mix of thoughts, feelings and reactions we experience. It affects us more than we often realise. Grief reactions can be emotional, mental, physical, social or spiritual.

“What’s trauma then”?

Grief and trauma are often experienced at the same time – a double impact. Any experiences in which you felt your safety, or that of others, was threatened, or that leaves you feeling emotionally overwhelmed or highly anxious is considered traumatic. Grief centres on sadness and loss, but Trauma centres on fear and is felt as a threat to safety. It also takes time for the impact of trauma to ease.

“OK so I’m grieving, what can I do”?

The following 10 factors help to build your resilience, so we can cope as well as possible in times of adversity.

• Look after yourself
• Use your support circle
• Use your sense of humour
• Keep flexible and adaptable
• Use the life skills you’ve learned
• Believe in yourself
• Know what you’re good at and use those things
• Think creatively, see things differently, try new things
• Keep a positive outlook and attitude – be hopeful
• Persevere – keep trying!

“How can I support other people who are grieving?

A person’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint, we all grieve differently. Sometimes people don’t even know they’re grieving. There are no rules or timetable, it’s not a competition and there is no pass or fail. It takes time and it’s totally normal. Some things to keep in mind when supporting someone who is grieving are:

• Really listen
• Shared silence is OK sometimes
• Don’t judge them – accept them
• Give them time
• Don’t assume you know exactly how they feel
• Encourage and include them
• Be there in an ongoing way – offer support but then also follow through
• Help them find information and extra help if needed.

“Grief is not a state but a process like a walk in a winding valley with a new prospect at every bend” – C.S Lewis

Choosing the right funeral director for you and your family will make the process of arranging the funeral less stressful and ensure that your loved one gets the service they deserve. Here, we look at 10 questions to ask before you make a decision.

Is someone available 24/7?

Because you never know when you may need help, it’s important to check that a Funeral Director keeps non-standard hours. Ideally, phones should be answered 24/7.

Are you a member of the Funeral Directors Association of New Zealand (FDANZ)?

Members of the FDANZ are professionals committed to ensuring that the families they serve receive high quality service. FDANZ members must adhere to strict criteria, including codes of ethics and conduct, mandatory ongoing training, and nationally recognised qualifications. By choosing a FDANZ member, you’ll be reassured that they have high quality standards and the very best in service and care.

Are your funeral directors qualified?

By choosing formally trained Funeral Directors, with ongoing training requirements, you’ll know their knowledge and understanding of grief care, best practice and law changes is always up to date.

Where is your care facility located?

Understand where the Funeral Director’s care facility (or mortuary) is. This is where your loved one will be cared for (and possibly embalmed, if that’s what you choose) and where you can spend time with them. Ideally, it should be conveniently located with plenty of free parking available or good public transport links.

Do you charge to keep my loved one’s body or ashes?

A Funeral Director should not charge extra to keep your loved one’s body, even if there is a delay between them passing and the day of their funeral. Additionally, if they’ve been cremated and you haven’t decided upon their final resting place, a Funeral Director should keep their ashes until you’re ready and at no extra charge.

Do you have your own crematorium?

If the duty of care of your loved one is a priority for you, you might want to consider a funeral home with their own crematorium. Your funeral home will be able to care for your loved one from beginning to end if they own their own crematorium.

Are your embalmers qualified?

Choosing a Funeral Director that employs their own embalmers ensures that the Funeral Director’s high standards of care and service will be delivered by all their staff, including embalmers. Being qualified means that embalmers have undergone rigorous training, and their skills and experience have been formally recognised. It also ensures that their knowledge of best practice
and care is up-to-date.

Can you provide non-conventional funeral services?

If you’d like a different type of funeral, check the prospective Funeral Director’s experience of providing non-conventional funerals.
This includes services held in family homes or outdoors, or non-religious services led by family members or celebrants.

What efforts have your business made to be environmentally friendly?

If you’re environmentally-conscious, you might like to ask about the environmental impact of your loved one’s funeral. This could include asking if the company has any environmental programs in place and if their caskets and urns are made from sustainable resources.

Do you have your own design team for service sheets?

An in-house team of qualified graphic designers means you’ll receive beautiful and completely personalised service sheets that you can keep and cherish. They can also create professional photo tributes to play at the service to create a fitting memorial, at a time when it may be too difficult to do yourself.

New date confirmed for the Davis Classic 2021

In 2020 we beat lockdown by a week, this year, it’s beaten us by a week, not once but twice! With the current uncertainty in Auckland surrounding Covid-19 lockdowns and alert levels, we feel that at this stage, canceling the 2021 Davis Classic is the responsible thing to do. We are currently at alert level 2 which prevents gatherings of more than 100 and it’s uncertain if the Prime Minister’s announcement on Friday will bring us down to level 1 by Sunday the 14th. We are however committed to running the event this year to ensure we can provide some fundraising and support for the great work Hospice do. We hope that towards Spring we’ll be able to announce a new date.
We understand the disappointment this may bring but our main concern is the safety of our community and for this reason we regret to inform that the show will not go ahead on Sunday the 14th of March.

This year, we have even more happening! As well as the beautiful cars and trucks to look at, we have a family area in our back garden with face painters and a bouncy castle. There’ll be food trucks and an eating area, a street magician, roaming MC, a fantastic spot prize as well as the opportunity to vote for your favourite vehicle in the people’s choice awards. This event is FREE to attend and any funds raised through attractions and donations will be given to West Auckland Hospice. It’s also free to show your car. The first 50 vehicles registered will be provided with premium parking spots and the first 100 registrations will receive a show bag containing a T Shirt, car care product from Bowden’s Own, voucher to spend at any of the food trucks, water and other goodies.

We now also have plenty of free parking for those coming along but not showing a car. Parking is situated down the drive way opposite Soljan Dr, it will be well sign posted and there will somebody there to direct you.

If you would like to register a vehicle click the link here https://fb.me/by94boaIc1hQdF

Watch the video above of last year’s show to see what a great day out it is.

What is embalming?

So somebody you love has died, one of the first questions you’ll be asked by a funeral director is “Do you want them to be embalmed”. Depending on what experience you may or may not have had in these matters, you might not know what this really means. Embalming is simply the process of sanitizing and preserving the body. If you are considering taking your loved one home for a period of time before the funeral or holding private viewings in the funeral home then embalming will ensure they’re well presented. If your loved one is being repatriated (sent back to another country) then embalming is a legal requirement.

Do I need to see my loved one after they die?

Throughout history people have generally stayed with their loved one up until the funeral. After embalming, the funeral director would bring the body home where it would remain until the day of the service. Family and friends would visit, sit, talk, reminisce and share memories with each other and the deceased. As times have changed and more and more people are choosing no service cremations or burials, this practice, in some cultures, has slowly declined. There are however some very significant advantages to spending time with your loved one after death.

Facing reality – It’s often hard to believe that someone we love has really gone. In fact, denial is the first of the stages of grief. Seeing the body of your loved one, helps bring home the reality and finality of death. Embracing this reality is crucial to the healing process.

Saying goodbye – Throughout our lives, as a matter of course, we are taught to say Hello and Goodbye. We’re also taught the physical gestures that go along with those, such as shaking hands, a hug, a high five, or a smile and head nod. When somebody leaves this earth it is important that we get to say goodbye to them so that we can say anything that we need to, touch them for the last time and prepare ourselves for the next step in the grief journey.

Expressing grief – Grief is universal but individual. We all experience it but how we experience it is unique to us all. Generally, the stronger our attachment to the person, the stronger our grief will be. Grief does not go away but it does get easier to live with IF we allow ourselves to feel and process it. Part of this process is expressing our grief. Gathering with family or friends to view your loved one or having them at home allows you to comfort and console each other, talk about how you’re feeling, cry together and generally mourn the life lost.

What about children and teenagers?

Having a safe and healthy first experience of death can set your child on the right path for dealing with future grief and loss. It’s just as important for children to complete the grief journey as it is for adults. If you’re open and honest about death and funerals with your child, then viewing the deceased should be the beginning of them learning how to live with grief. If you’re not comfortable having your loved one at home with you in the period leading up to the funeral, talk to your funeral director about visiting them in a viewing room at the funeral home. They can support you and your family to have a safe and comfortable experience when spending time with your loved one.

So what are the rules?

Well the short answer is, there are very few. Aside from the legalities and official paperwork, a funeral can be anything and everything you want it to be. Personalizing your loved one’s funeral will ensure a meaningful and memorable experience that honours the life they lived. The size of the venue and number of people attending don’t need to influence how personal you make the service. Anything from a huge venue like Eden Park to something more intimate in your own home can be tailored to represent your loved ones life.

What sorts of things can I personalise?

What sorts of things can’t you personalise is the real question! If you have it at a funeral, chances are there’s a way to personalise it. Let’s look at a few of the more common things in detail.

The Casket – There are a huge range of caskets available now. From the traditional Mahogany with finely detailed handles to an all natural wool or flax version, there is certainly something for everyone. You can opt to have a simple casket painted in a certain colour or hand painted with a design or picture of your choice. Increasingly popular is a plain casket that all your guests can write messages on before the final burial or cremation.

Flowers and Decorations – Traditionally the casket is adorned with a casket spray of the deceased’s favourite type or colour of flowers. However, this does not mean you can’t use something different instead of or as well as. Avid vegetable gardeners have had a bouquet of veggies rather than flowers. A grandad renowned for showing the grandkids his false teeth had a giant pair of dentures made of flowers atop his casket. Another great idea is to use something other than petals for guests to place on the casket. A favourite lolly or chocolate, shells for the beach lover, poker chips for the gambler, woodchips for the woodwork fanatic, anything is possible really!

Transport – There are some beautiful modern hearses around nowadays that are sleek and sporty and will get your loved one to their final resting place in style. There are also some incredibly well kept 50s and 60s hearses that make a real impression as they purr along the road. But, if you think your loved one would have preferred something a little different, there is no shortage of options! Motorcycle hearses are gaining popularity amongst the biking community. Farmers have arrived at and departed from their funerals on tractors, horse drawn carriages are an extremely traditional option that some people still choose to use. There really is something for everybody.

Service Sheets – At most funerals you’ll be handed a service sheet upon arrival. They typically have a photo on the front, the order of service and the words to a song or prayer inside and then a couple of photos on the back. These can be quite easily personalised with colours, flowers, themes and of course photos. You can take them a step further though. There have been secret recipes finally shared, the words to a song or poem written by the deceased included, a picture they drew or painted showcased, a favourite saying memorialised in print, even a message to everyone attending that the deceased may have left. Apart from memories, service sheets are the only thing guests end up with after the service so it can be a nice reminder for them just how special your loved one was.

I know what I want but I don’t know how to get it

A good funeral director will have the contacts to put in place anything you can dream up and if they don’t they will certainly be able find them. You can discuss your ideas with them when they come to arrange the funeral with you and if you think of something else after that they’re always available to help right up until the day itself.

Death is hard

There’s no two ways about it, the death of a grandparent, parent, sibling, friend, anyone you love, is hard. When you’ve never experienced death before it can be even harder. What do you say? How should you act? Who should you tell? Will you go to the funeral? What do you even do at a funeral? What happens afterwards? Will I always miss them? Does this ever get any easier?

The good news

Well believe it or not, there is good news. All your feelings and questions are completely normal and yes, it will get easier. It might not end, but it will get easier. Grief is a process and it’s not the same for everyone. Your grief is yours and there’s no right or wrong way for it to happen. There are no rules when it comes to grief, it’s just important that you let yourself experience it. Natalie Adams lost her dad at the start of high school. She started a website called Teenage Grief Sucks almost all of the content provided is written by teenagers themselves. So you can read stories written by kids your age about subjects such as school and social lives, you can even share your own grief story.

The bad news

You’re going to feel bad, really bad. Sad, angry, confused, depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, you may not even be able to believe this is happening. You don’t want any of these feelings but you’ve got them, like it or not. This death thing sucks! But it’s part of life and you’re going to experience it more than once in your lifetime, may as well learn to deal with it now right? Here’s some tips on how to do that.

Feel – Ignoring your feelings may be easier for now but it will cause more pain in the long run. If you don’t feel it now, you’ll have to feel it even more later. Allow yourself to feel and accept that the feelings are normal and won’t last forever.

Talk – It might seem like nobody will understand and some people may not but talking about what you’re feeling helps you to process it better in your mind. A friend, relative, teacher, school counselor, anyone you can trust, if you don’t have anyone you can always call Youthline

Ask for help – If you need more support from your friends and family than usual, ask them for it. If you feel as though you aren’t coping or your feelings are overwhelming you, let someone know. Chances are they will be expecting you to!

Vent – Find a constructive way to vent your feelings. Cry, exercise, write, listen to music, laugh, read, draw, pray, anything that helps you to get that pent up energy out.

Go to the funeral – Rituals such as funerals, allow you to honor and memorialize the person who has died. It may be hard, but going to the funeral will help you acknowledge your loss and begin to move forward.

The funeral

You’ve probably never been to a funeral, you might have seen one on TV but that probably isn’t anything like a real funeral will be. Funerals are so important, they help you to really realise that the person has gone. They help you to remember that person and share or listen to memories of them. You will be in a supportive environment with others that are feeling the same way as you. Most importantly, you will be safe, nobody will be judging your actions or emotions and you won’t say or do the wrong thing. Funerals are for the living!

For more help and advice or to find someone to talk with go to What’s up?

Let’s make a plan

It’s funny; in life, we’re always keen to plan things for ourselves. Weddings, birthday parties, pregnancies, purchasing a home, overseas holidays, all major life events really, except……….our funeral. Why is that? We know it’s going to happen, it’s more certain than anything else in our lives yet we avoid planning it, talking about it, even thinking about it in some cases. Why not create a funeral that’s right for you? You’ll get to choose just how you would like everything to be and your family won’t need to stress when the time comes, they’ll be able to concentrate on being together and sharing stories about all the good times.

What is there to plan? It’s just a funeral isn’t it?

Well, there’s quite a few details that need to be decided on and the more choices you make, the more personalised your funeral will be, making it a reflection of the life you’ve lived. Let’s take a look at some of the options you have.

Type and style of the funeral – Will it have religious or cultural significance? Will it be in a church, a sports club, at home? Will it be traditional and formal or modern and in formal? Will you have a theme or dress code? Will a minister or funeral celebrant take the service?

Final resting place – Would you like to be buried or cremated? Where would you like to be buried? Family plot in another town? Local cemetery? At sea? And if you want to be cremated, where would you like your ashes to go? Kept with family or scattered in a special place?

Casket and urn – Will you have a stock standard plywood casket or would you prefer something personalised and hand painted? If you’re going to be cremated after the service, will you have a matching urn or will you need a scatter tube?

Flowers, music and readings – Do you have a favourite flower or colour preference? Would you prefer guests made a donation to a charity rather than bringing flowers? Is there a song or number of songs you’d like played? Is there a poem or biblical scripture that you would like reading out? Who would you like to read them?

Reception and catering – Will you have a reception after the service? What kind of reception will it be? A sit down meal or drinks and nibbles? Do you have a favourite food you’d like everyone to have?

Your final ride – How will you take your final ride? In a hearse? a motorbike with a sidecar? horse and carriage? Tractor? The options are endless!

Any special features – Would you like anything special placed in or on your casket? Do you have an old secret recipe that you’ll finally share with everyone? Do you want everyone to wear something in particular? You could consider having doves or butterflies released or even have everyone sign your casket.

OK how do I do all of this?

You might be surprised to know that it’s easy and even better….free! There are two ways to go about pre-planning your funeral. You can simply download and fill in a pre-planning form here or meet with a funeral director at one of our venues or in the privacy of your own home. If you choose to also prepay your funeral, you’ll be able to reduce your assets. You can put up to $10,000 towards your funeral, tax-free. This money is held securely by the FDANZ Funeral Trust, not the funeral home. Whether you prepay, pre plan or both you’ll be able to rest easy knowing you’re going to get the send of you want.

Davis General Manager Nardus Oelofse, proudly presented the Health and Beauty category awards at the Albert Eden Business Awards recently.

The Albert-Eden Business Awards aim to foster a sense of pride around the local business community, while communicating to the wider public the quality of commercial offerings in the district. For the individual business owners it is a chance to celebrate their success, as recognised by their peers and the community. Winner in the Health and beauty catergory were Laser Clinics NZ – award accepted by Jacinta Needham. Highly commended went to Jan Waite Hairdressing – award accepted by Jan and Mal Waite.

I have some news to tell you

Now what? You know you have to tell your child that a loved one has died but how do you do that? You may not even be sure how to deal with your own grief, let alone help your child get through theirs. How they react to grief will depend on a few different things, such as age, how close they were to the person that’s died, how much support they receive and their personality/usual reaction to emotion and stress. There are some things that you can do to help your child understand and make sense of what’s happening.

Where do I start?

All children will react differently. Reading their cues and noticing how they’re feeling is the best way to start. This may continue for quite some time, even well after the death and funeral but as with adults, support throughout the grief journey will help your child learn how to live with their loss.

Listen – Being listened to and having their thoughts and feelings legitimised allows your child to feel safe and supported, meaning they’re more likely to ask for help if they need it. It is more important to listen than to say the perfect words.

Lelp them put their emotions into words – Your child may not have felt some of these emotions before and not be able to name them. Saying things like “I know you’re feeling very sad. I’m sad, too”. Understand that they may also feel emotions such as fear and anger and that those words are OK to use as well.

Honesty – Let your child know what’s happening in easy to understand language. Avoid using terms such as “gone to sleep”, “passed away”, “We’ve lost ….” These terms can be confusing because young children hear things literally. As hard as it may be, it is important to be clear and honest. Use the words dead and died and explain that this means they can’t come back. Young children are at a stage of ‘magical thinking’ where they believe that somebody could come alive again. Without a clear understanding of death they may also think that the person may still feel things and be cold, lonely or hungry. For your child to be able to process grief, they must understand what death is.

Talk about what to expect in the coming days – It’s comforting for your child to know what is going to be happening at a time that can seem very confusing and unsettling. From things such as time away from school or somebody different picking them up to the funeral and what’s going to happen there. It’s helpful for them to know when things will be back to ‘normal’. For instance, “Aunty is going to pick you up from school this week but next week I’ll be picking you up as usual”.

Have a conversation about funerals – It’s a common question “When is my child old enough to attend a funeral?” and there’s no easy answer. Young children don’t tend to be scared of dead bodies the way some adults are. By giving your child as much information as possible about the day, you can help them decide (if they’re old enough) if they would like to attend. It also serves as a great way to prepare them for what they will see, hear and do at the funeral. What’s important to remember is that keeping your child away from the funeral means they’re missing a very important step on the grief journey .Things you might like to talk about are: Who will be there. What is going to happen. Where will the service be. When will it be. Why are we doing it and How will people be reacting. Explaining that you and other people might be sad and crying shows your child that this is normal and if they want to cry too it’s OK. It’s also a good idea to let them know that after the service the person will be buried or cremated and what that means.

Give them a roll – If your child takes part in the funeral in some way, it helps them to feel a part of it and therefore to acknowledge their feelings and feel that others are acknowledging their feelings too. They could light a candle, write or read a poem, choose a song to play or choose a photo to be displayed next to the casket.

Help them make memories – In the days and weeks after the funeral, it’s a good idea to keep talking to your child about their feelings and help them to create memories of the person. They could draw pictures, write about the person, how they looked, how they smelled, the things they used to like doing together, look at photos or videos, they could even write the person a letter or keep a journal. For more ideas and resources go to Kenzie’s Gift

Give them time – There’s no prescribed time for anyone to feel better after the death of a loved one. It could be weeks or even months later and your child may begin talking or asking questions about the person or about death in general. This is just them processing their feelings and emotions and learning how to live with their grief. It’s very healthy behaviour so continue to support and encourage them.

Having a safe and healthy first experience of death can set your child on the right path for dealing with future grief and loss.

“Put me in a cardboard box and put me out with the rubbish”

This is a phrase that’s heard all too often these days. Many people believe that having a funeral will be a burden on those left behind, a sad event that everybody feels they ‘have’ to attend. The truth however is a far cry from this modern belief. Human beings have been honoring the dead for thousands of years in many different ways and the downturn of this in recent years is now manifesting itself in negative ways. Ways that are affecting people’s ability to complete the ‘grief journey’.

What is a grief journey?

The death of someone close to us results in an inevitable journey we must all experience called “grief”. It will be very different for each of us but regrettably, there is no way to avoid it. Dr Alan D. Wolfelt phD – respected author and educator on the topic of grief has created ‘The hierarchy of the purpose of funerals’. Let’s take a look at what that means. We’ll begin at the bottom and work our way up.

Reality – Funerals help us to begin to truly acknowledge the reality that someone in our life has died.
Recall – Funerals encourage us to remember the person who died and share our unique memories with others, creating hope for the future.
Support – Funerals bring together people who care about each other in an atmosphere of love and support.
Expression – Funerals allow us to express our inner thoughts and feelings about life and death.
Meaning – Funerals mark the significance of the life that was lived. They also help us find meaning and purpose in our continued living, even in the face of loss.
Transcendence – Ultimately, funerals help us to embrace the wonder of life and death.

But I don’t want a fuss

There are so many ways to celebrate the life of a loved one. A funeral does not need to be traditional, religious, public or ‘fussy’. What is important is to find the appropriate level of comfort and create something that feels right.

OK so how do I make sure I get what I want?

Well it means you will have to have one of ‘those’ conversations, the kind that are hard to start. Talking about it doesn’t have to be morbid though, after all, you’ll be discussing the things you love most and how best your family and friends can reflect on them when honoring your life. Remember – funerals are held for the living because they are the ones who need to move forward in their grief.

Learn more here: Free Pre-Planning guide

Davis Funerals was proud to sponsor the annual Christmas Ham Tournament.

There were over 100 Howick members as well as teams from other Auckland Clubs. 27 hams and ‘bottles’ were won on 3 greens! Our East Auckland Branch Manager, Richard Madders was there to present the winners with their prizes.

We’re excited to announce the return of The Davis Classic for 2020

We love the communities that we’re part of and the families we serve in West Auckland are no exception. We realise that good quality, free family events are few and far between in the modern era we and none more so than in the West.

After such a successful show last year, we’re proud to bring you our second FREE car show, filled with all sorts of vehicles that showcase a lifetime of motoring excellence. Please join us on the 8th of March 2020. We look forward to seeing you and your family.

Location: 140 to 150 Central Park Drive Henderson

Date: 8 March 2020

Time: 10.30am to 2.30pm

Parking: Free across the road, please follow signs on event day

The Davis Cup – Get your tickets today and support Dress for Success

On the 17th of April 2019, Davis Funerals & Dress for Success will be hosting the first ever Davis Cup Golf Day.

Our aim is to help raise funds for Dress for Success who will be opening their South Auckland branch in April as well. This is a great cause to support and we are able to do it while we have some fun along the way.
Format: Ambrose (Better Ball), 2 people per team

Special extras: On the day you elect to raise a few extra dollars by committing to a 50cent per stroke spend.
Details are as follows:

Date: 17 April 2019

Time: Midday

Where: Howick Golf Club
Costs:

$350 for a team of 2

$500 for a team of 2 and a cart
Includes: 9 holes of golf, food & drinks on the day.

The day itself will include a variety of prizes and auction to raise more funds

If you and a mate would like to enter please email daviscup@davisfunerals.co.nz
We promise it will be a great day.

We are excited to announce our first inaugural Classic Car Show, The Davis Classic

We love the communities that we are part of and the families we serve in West Auckland are no exception. We realise that good quality free family events are few and far between in the modern era we are living in and none more so than in the West.

Thus we are proud to bring you our first FREE car show, filled with both American & European vehicles that showcase a lifetime of motoring excellence. Please come and join us on the 24th of March 2019. We look forward to hosting both you and your family.

Location: 140 to 150 Central Park Drive Henderson

Date: 24 March 2019

Time: 10am to 2pm

Parking: Free across the road, please follow signs on event day

Added Extras: Food Trucks standing by to take your order

Event Entry Cost: FREE

Parking Cost: FREE