From time to time, we also hear people say, when the time comes, “just put me in a cardboard box and cremate my body,” or “just get rid of me.” Whilst there is the bigger issue of considering and meeting the needs and wishes of the deceased and those left behind, for the purposes of answering this question, as good a place to start would be to determine if there are any specific legal requirements. 

In New Zealand, there are two pieces of legislation that provide guidance and set out the requirements in this regard. These are the Burial and Cremations Act (1964), and later Cremation Regulations (1973); the former outlining the legal requirements for cremation including use of a container suitable for cremation, and the later regulations specifying that the container must be fully combustible, and that it can prevent any leakage. The container or casket must clearly display the full legal name of the deceased, as this required by the crematorium for the purposes of accepting the casket and positively identifying the deceased. As a side note, the return of the name plate is sometimes requested by families as a keepsake. This is perfectly in order and can be removed after verification and prior to the cremation. 

Whilst the Act does not call specifically for the use of a casket, for many families, the need to provide a dignified and respectful farewell is essential, and a suitable casket serves this purpose. The final farewell/funeral service or viewing is after all the final lasting memory that family members will have of their loved one, says Michael Powell, General Manager of Davis Funerals. Caskets and Shroud bearers are therefore a convenient, readily sourced, purpose built and meet all necessary legislative requirements says Powell. 

Caskets come in a variety of materials, styles, finishes and price. Suitable caskets for cremation are generally made from timber, MDF (particle board) or cardboard or wicker and further, the use of a shroud wrapping the body placed on a suitable bearer board is also permissible. Reputable funeral directors do not sell caskets, instead, the listen to the family and in response, present all available options. Choosing the right casket is a very personal decision and such decisions are often made based on cost, appearance, or a memory they evoke of the deceased. A no obligation, free of charge discussion with a member of the Davis Funerals team will help ensure the right choice is made. Looking back over the years, I have also seen some fabulous home-made caskets says Powell. It is strongly recommended however that you speak to your funeral director to obtain the right dimensions and necessary design considerations to facilitate safe handling of the casket at the crematorium. It should be noted that metal, glass, and explosive materials cannot be used in the construction of the casket or items made of the same placed as items in the casket. 

Have you got a question? The team at Davis Funerals welcome questions from readers. Feel free to drop us a note at mike@davisfunerals.co.nz . 

Following on from our commentary last month in this column, we stressed the need to be careful reading or listening to everything you hear, it should come as no surprise that there are groups in existence today that go out of their way to openly undermine the valuable and meaningful services provided by funeral homes up and down the country, even going so far as to suggest that attending to the practicalities and legal necessities that must be observed can easily be looked after by those close to the deceased; of course all whilst at the same time they mourning the loss. At Davis, we are at times contacted by families who have taken this route and subsequently turn to us seeking urgent intervention on account of them being overwhelmed by the additional stress and trauma that such ill-gotten advice has caused and serving only to deepen their grief. 

As funeral director myself, one thing I have observed over the years is the sense of urgency that overcomes family members, and the pressure they feel to make decisions in relation to funeral care and the farewell of their loved one at warp-speed. 

We strongly people ‘to slow down and seek guidance from an experienced and qualified funeral director’, says Michael Powell, General Manager at Davis Funerals. 

At Davis, we encourage families to take time to think through what an appropriate funeral or farewell looks like, says Powell. A concern that is often raised is the likely increased cost attributed to delays whilst arrangements are set in place, or whilst family travel back into the country. At Davis, we ensure the highest level of care is provided to those individuals who we have the privilege of looking after. “It costs no more to have a service this week, as it does to have a service in two- or three-week’s time” says Powell. Our standard care for the deceased ensures family have time to mourn, time to plan, and time to prepare themselves for that all important farewell and that throughout the entire process, their loved one is afforded the very highest level of care to ensure their presence throughout is possible, enabling open-casket services, visitations or facilitating the deceased’s return home to the family home, marae or other such place of meaning. 

Here at Davis, we firmly believe that a meaningful farewell is an essential step in recognising the end of a loved one’s physical life, and to assist that transition to the emotional abyss of life without that person. A funeral helps those close to the deceased to make sense of the grief they are, and will undoubtedly suffer, says Michael Powell General Manager, Davis Funerals.  

Whilst there is an inherent cost associated with a funeral or farewell, it is a one time cost, it often accords the wishes of the deceased, but most importantly provides a vital opportunity for family, friends, community connections to give thanks for the life of the  the person who has died, to reflect on the impact that the deceased has had on their lives and most importantly to come together, to share stories, comfort and console each other. At Davis, we have had opportunity to witness the impacts of the inevitable complicated grief state that the absence of a farewell creates from family members who have attended our annual remembrance service we hold every December, says Powell. These people have told us that they have lived with the emotional discomfort of missing out on that final goodbye, and how they had wished they had done something at the time of their loved one’s death.  

In terms of relative costs, a funeral is considerably cheaper than other life event ceremonies such as weddings, and provides a onetime only opportunity to honour the life of somebody and say goodbye that final time. 

• They belong to the Funeral Director’s Association of New Zealand, providing you with confidence they are held to account by an independent regulator, adhere to an ethical code of practice and are regularly audited against a set of operating requirements.  

• It’s also important is to understand the level of knowledge and skill. This is particularly important where there may be mixed-race family considerations, specific cultural or religious rituals that need to be honoured as well as ensuring all those close to the deceased are properly guided through their individual grief journeys. One easy way to ensure such knowledge exists is to look at each funeral home’s commitment to training and service excellence through the number of registered and qualified  funeral directors they employ. You only get to farewell a loved one once. Recent media coverage of incidents in Auckland and the Waikato highlight both the irreparable emotional damage and risks of making the wrong decision.  

• Finally, work with a company that provides end to end funeral care. This ensures that from the very first call you make to them, the transferring of the deceased, mortuary care, funeral planning and organisation of grief counselling and support is under the care of the same team of people, from the same company in the same facilities. 

Pre-planning your funeral is a thoughtful step to ensure your wishes are understood and upheld. We’ve found that pre-planned and personalized farewells and funerals offer great comfort to families, knowing they are honouring their loved one’s wishes. We further recommend discussing your plans with your family and those close to you as the funeral is a final act and it is important that their grief will be properly supported when the time comes 

“Funeral homes have traditionally been places people engage with only when absolutely necessary, but our aim here at Davis is to change all that,. Davis’ mission is bigger than that. In addition to providing quality funeral care we recognise that it is our role to be active in the communities that we serve, enriching and improving people’s quality of life. We do this through our close relationship and valued partnerships with a number of organisations, including Hospice West Auckland, Totara, Mercy and Dove Hospices, and the Auckland Philharmonic. We also partner with The Grief Centre, to enable us to offer free counselling sessions to our families, helping them work through their grief.” Says General Manager,  Michael Powell. 

At Davis Funeral Care, we believe in the power of community and compassionate care. We’re here for more than just the hard moments; we’re here to support you through all of life’s chapters. 

Let’s start these important conversations now.  

A recent story on RNZ highlights this very issue. The article, “The Conversations You Don’t Want to Have with Your Parents – But You Should,” explores the perspectives of different individuals, all addressing the same essential topic: how to have open, honest discussions with loved ones about their wishes for the future. You can read the full article here.

Why These Conversations Matter

Talking to your parents about their end-of-life wishes can be uncomfortable, but it’s a conversation that can save heartache later on. These discussions ensure that everyone is on the same page and that your parents’ values, preferences, and plans are respected. It’s about making sure that when the time comes, decisions are guided by their wishes rather than guesswork or assumptions.

The RNZ story highlights several key points of view, showing how different families approach this sensitive topic. Some speak about the emotional hurdles of initiating these discussions, while others share the relief and clarity that comes once the conversations have taken place. The article demonstrates that while the topic may be difficult, the rewards of understanding and preparedness far outweigh the initial discomfort.

Key Takeaways from the Article

1. Start Early
   Don’t wait for a crisis to begin these conversations. The earlier you start, the easier it is to approach the topic calmly and without added stress.
2. Be Honest and Open
   Share your thoughts and concerns, and encourage your parents to do the same. Honesty fosters trust and ensures that everyone feels heard.
3. Focus on Their Wishes
   This isn’t about making decisions for your parents; it’s about understanding what they want. Their preferences should guide the discussion.
4. Involve Professionals if Needed
   Sometimes, having a mediator like a family counsellor or lawyer can help navigate more complex aspects of the conversation, such as legal or financial planning.

How We Can Help

At Davis Funerals, we understand the importance of these conversations and the peace of mind they bring. As professionals in funeral planning and pre-planning funerals, we’re here to provide support and guidance to families navigating these discussions. Our services are designed to ensure that your loved ones’ wishes are respected and that families feel confident about the decisions they make together.

Whether you’re starting the conversation for the first time or looking for resources to help guide the discussion, we’re here to assist every step of the way.

Read More

For more insights and perspectives on this important topic, we highly recommend reading the full RNZ article, “The Conversations You Don’t Want to Have with Your Parents – But You Should.” By Alexia Santamaria * You can find it here.

Starting these conversations may feel daunting, but they are a vital step in ensuring clarity, respect, and peace of mind for everyone involved. Don’t wait for the right moment—create it.

Palliative care counselling is a special role that begins with understanding the unique needs
of each person and what brings them to counselling. “With a patient, we are journeying with
them into the unknown – we go where they go. Sometimes that’s into some really deep,
unknown places that only get revealed when they start having a dedicated space to connect
with what is going on for them,” says Maxine. “Quite often they will have a goal, something
they want to get out of counselling. It’s always patient-led. We are both relational
counsellors, so the person is always at the centre of the counselling.”

Amy explains that although it may seem obvious what brings a Hospice patient to
counselling, it’s important to see what ‘sits on top’ for people: “A person may want to talk
about loss of identity, the frustration they are experiencing, a relationship, or the fear of being
a burden to others,” she explains. “And of course that can change over time, and we’re
alongside adjusting to the change,” adds Maxine. “What might have been a focus at one
point could be something completely different the next time you meet, because life has
changed. It really is going with what is presented each time you come together.”

Maxine was always interested in specialising in grief counselling, inspired by her own
experiences with grief. “Through my training I’ve done other forms of counselling, but I
always wanted to work in hospice – that was my focus,” she says. Amy was also drawn to
working in grief counselling, and did a placement at Hospice West Auckland during her
studies. “I knew then that I wanted to work at Hospice,” she explains. “When working with
people facing end of life, there’s a lot of ‘meaning making’ – the legacy you’re leaving behind
and how you want to be remembered, relationships you have with others, values you’ve
instilled in your children, for example. I think for me it’s always been about being with people
to make sense of their lives, their stories, their experiences.”

At Hospice West Auckland, Maxine and Amy form part of the Social Care team. This
experienced group of individuals provide a wide range of services to Hospice patients and
their whānau, including massage and lymphoedema therapy, music and arts therapy, social
work assistance, spiritual care and acupuncture. “It’s a great team and there is so much
support,” says Amy. “We’re really there for one another – and we have fun too.” The team
work collaboratively with Hospice’s doctors and nurses to identify which patients and families
may benefit from the different social care services. Maxine and Amy also reach out following
a bereavement to see if there is a need for counselling. “We make sure that every patient
who comes into Hospice care is contacted by one of us in the Social Care team to offer that
holistic care,” says Maxine. “We know that our emotional self is just as important as our
physical self, as our spiritual self… we can provide that wrap-around care. And we keep the
relationship open to offer support at any stage of their journey.”

Maxine and Amy run the Bereavement Support Group, a six-week programme for people
who have lost a loved one in Hospice care. The Counsellors gently facilitate each session,
working within the group dynamic and holding a safe space to explore the experiences and
feelings being shared. Each participant is invited to introduce to the group the person they
have lost, which may be a photo, keepsake or any object that represents who they were in
life. It’s a special opportunity to bring their loved ones into the room and talk about who they

were in life, rather than their illness. It is a powerful way to acknowledge that a relationship
doesn’t end when someone passes – they continue with you as part of your life story.
“Groups are really powerful as a way to normalise people’s experiences, and to help them to
feel not so alone. It provides a sense of community and belonging, allowing the opportunity
to connect with others who have had similar experiences,” explains Amy. “Grief can also be
very isolating,” adds Maxine, “and sometimes people need to rebuild their lives after a loss
so it’s really valuable for them to make these connections with others who may be feeling the
same way.” At the conclusion of each six-week programme, the participants have always
continued to meet under their own initiative, maintaining that valuable connection.

The Kowhai Social Group is another weekly programme Amy runs at Hospice House.
Designed as social sessions for patients, they offer fun, optional activities such as arts and
crafts while connecting with others going through similar experiences. “The attendees can
unburden and talk in a safe space,” says Amy. “It’s less about the activities and more about
opening up and gaining a sense of normalisation and validation. We oscillate between lots of
tears and lots of laughter.”

Outside of Hospice, it’s not uncommon for people to wonder about the emotional weight of
being a palliative care counsellor, and the resilience it must require. However, Maxine and
Amy agree that their careers are hugely fulfilling. “It’s so rewarding because we are
connecting with people at such a real, potent time in their lives,” says Maxine. “It’s such a
privilege. It’s an honour to be alongside and involved in people’s journey in that way,” adds
Amy. The pair agree that it is incredibly gratifying when they see a tangible difference in a
person as a counselling session progresses: they may feel calmer and more settled or have
a sense of relief or release.

Part of training to be a counsellor involves practicing professionalism and self-care. “Training
in relational counselling is all about the relationship – you’ve got to have the relationship
before anything else can happen. But we also learn to not ‘fall into’ the relationship – that’s
the professionalism, and that’s how you can do the work and not carry that out of the room,”
explains Maxine. “You learn how to hold a space that is about the person you are with,
without being triggered personally.”

About the Performer: Madeleine Xiao

Born in Auckland in 2005, Madeleine began her musical journey at the tender age of five. Now,
at just 19, she is studying a Bachelor of Music in classical performance at the University of
Auckland, under the guidance of renowned tutors Rae de Lisle, Bryan Sayer, and Katherine
Austin. Madeleine has already achieved remarkable success, earning numerous top awards
and scholarships, supported by prestigious foundations such as the Dame Malvina Major
Foundation and the Auckland Philharmonia Orchestra.

Her talent has taken her to significant performances, including playing Chopin’s Piano Concerto
No. 1 in E minor with the Christchurch Symphony Orchestra and competing in the final of the
National Concerto Competition, where she placed third. Madeleine’s passion extends beyond
solo performances; she is also an avid chamber musician, playing with the Kaha Trio, and
regularly collaborates with vocalists and instrumentalists.

The Program:

Madeleine opened the concert with Bach/Busoni’s Chaconne in D minor, a monumental work
that bridges the Baroque and Romantic eras. Originally composed for solo violin by J.S. Bach,
the piece was transcribed for piano by Ferruccio Busoni, allowing the full range of the piano to
bring new harmonic and dynamic depth to the work. Madeleine’s performance was both
powerful and sensitive, capturing the profound emotion embedded in the piece.

Next, she moved on to Haydn’s Piano Sonata No. 60 in C Major, a delightful work full of wit
and charm. Written during Haydn’s second visit to London, this sonata is known for its playful
energy and innovation. Madeleine’s nuanced interpretation brought out the humour in the
Allegro movements while delivering the Adagio with graceful sensitivity.

The third piece in her program was Tchaikovsky’s Dumka in C Minor, Op. 59, a rich, folk-
inspired work blending melancholy with lively, dance-like themes. Madeleine’s expressive
playing highlighted the contrasts within the piece, evoking the spirit of a Russian village dance.
The audience was entranced by the emotional depth of her performance.

To conclude the concert, Madeleine performed the first movement of Chopin’s Piano Sonata
No. 3 in B Minor, Op. 58, a piece that stands as a pinnacle of Romantic piano literature. Her
performance of the Allegro maestoso was both lyrical and dramatic, showcasing her technical
mastery and emotional connection to the music.

A Memorable Afternoon:

The performance was a resounding success, with Madeleine receiving a standing ovation from
the appreciative audience. The residents of Bruce McLaren Rest Home, along with the visiting
guests, were treated to an afternoon of world-class music, made even more special by
Madeleine’s warm connection with the audience.

Davis Funerals is proud to provide such events, which bring joy and enrichment to the
community. Madeleine’s performance was not only a testament to her talent but also to the
power of music to bring people together, creating lasting memories for all who attended.

As the concert came to a close, many attendees expressed their gratitude for the opportunity to
experience such a high-calibre performance in a local setting. With Madeleine Xiao’s bright
future ahead, it was a privilege to witness her talent at this stage of her burgeoning career.

A Day of Perfect Lawn Bowls

The event was a perfect example of what makes lawn bowls such a cherished sport in New Zealand. The sunny weather provided an ideal backdrop for the players and spectators alike, creating an atmosphere of relaxation and enjoyment. Martin Williams from Davis Funerals had the pleasure of attending the event, reveling in the community spirit and the skillful play on display.

Celebration of Winners and Community

The event was not just about playing; it was a celebration of skill, strategy, and camaraderie. The spotlight shone on the triumphant trio from St Heliers Bowling Club – Donna Davison, Gavin Baker, and Graeme Lill – who emerged victorious after a day of competitive play. Their achievement was a testament to their dedication to the sport and their ability to work as a cohesive team.

More Than Just a Game

Apart from the thrill of the game, the event also catered to the attendees’ love for good food. Meat lovers had a reason to rejoice as custom packs from New World Stonefields Butchery were up for grabs, adding an extra layer of excitement to the day’s proceedings. It was these small additions that turned the lawn bowls event into a holistic experience, merging sports with social enjoyment.

Davis Funerals: A Pillar in the Community

Davis Funerals’ sponsorship of the event is reflective of their deep-rooted belief in being an integral part of the community they serve. By supporting local events like these, they foster a sense of unity and engagement, which is crucial in building strong, supportive communities. Their presence at such events goes beyond mere sponsorship; it is a demonstration of their commitment to being there for people, not just in times of grief but also in moments of joy and celebration.

Looking Forward to More Sunny Days and Fun Games

As the lawn bowls event concluded, there was a unanimous feeling of anticipation for more such days – filled with fun games, friendly competition, and community bonding. Davis Funerals extends their warm congratulations to the winners and participants and invites the community to stay updated on future events.

Conclusion

Davis Funerals is more than a funeral service provider; they are a cornerstone of community support and engagement in New Zealand. Their involvement in events like the lawn bowls competition showcases their dedication to bringing people together, in both solemn and joyous times. For more information on Davis Funerals’ services and their community involvement, or to keep up with the lively political banter and announcements for the next round of lawn bowls, visit  Kohimarama Bowling Club. Here’s to many more sunny days and fun games ahead, with Davis Funerals cheering alongside the community every step of the way!

An Evening of Musical Enchantment and Significant Announcements

The concert, held at the picturesque St. Lukes Presbyterian Church, was more than just an evening of music; it was a celebration of life, art, and the unifying power of music. The performance by the “Queen of Harps” was met with appreciation and admiration, offering the audience a moment of tranquillity and reflection. But the highlight of the evening was the keynote address by a representative from Davis Funerals, who shared an exciting development in their partnership with the Auckland Philharmonia Orchestra.

Celebrating 13 Years of Partnership and Looking Forward

Mike Powell the Davis Funeral General Manger was greeted with rapturous applause from the packed church, as he confirmed the extension of their sponsorship with the Auckland Philharmonia Orchestra for a further year, marking the 13th year of this fruitful partnership. This extension is a testament to Davis Funerals’ unwavering commitment to enriching the community through music. It also ensures the continuation of the beloved “In Your Neighbourhood” series and other community-oriented programmes that have brought classical music into the hearts and lives of Auckland’s residents.

The ‘In Your Neighbourhood’ Series: A Symbol of Community Engagement

The ‘In Your Neighbourhood’ series, a cornerstone of the partnership between Davis Funerals and the Auckland Philharmonia Orchestra, has been pivotal in making high-quality classical music accessible to a wider audience. These performances, held in various neighbourhoods, underscore the ethos of Davis Funerals – to provide solace, joy, and a sense of connection, particularly during challenging times.

Music as a Healing Force

Understanding that music can be a powerful medium for healing and comfort, Davis Funerals supports these musical initiatives as part of their holistic approach to caring for the community. The melodies and harmonies of classical music offer more than entertainment; they bring peace, comfort, and a sense of communal healing, aligning with Davis Funerals’ mission to support individuals and families in their most challenging moments.

Gratitude and Invitation to the Community

Davis Funerals extends heartfelt gratitude to the community for their continued support and for joining them in these musical journeys. They see their role not just as funeral service providers but as active contributors to the community’s cultural and emotional well-being.

Conclusion

As Davis Funerals looks forward to more years of partnership with the Auckland Philharmonia Orchestra, they invite the community of Auckland to join them in experiencing the transformative power of music. This commitment to supporting the arts, particularly music, is an integral part of their dedication to caring for families and individuals in their times of need. To learn more about their upcoming events and services, visit Davis Funerals, and become part of a community where compassion, culture, and care harmoniously intertwine.

St Lukes- https://stlukes.org.nz/events/