From time to time, we also hear people say, when the time comes, “just put me in a cardboard box and cremate my body,” or “just get rid of me.” Whilst there is the bigger issue of considering and meeting the needs and wishes of the deceased and those left behind, for the purposes of answering this question, as good a place to start would be to determine if there are any specific legal requirements. 

In New Zealand, there are two pieces of legislation that provide guidance and set out the requirements in this regard. These are the Burial and Cremations Act (1964), and later Cremation Regulations (1973); the former outlining the legal requirements for cremation including use of a container suitable for cremation, and the later regulations specifying that the container must be fully combustible, and that it can prevent any leakage. The container or casket must clearly display the full legal name of the deceased, as this required by the crematorium for the purposes of accepting the casket and positively identifying the deceased. As a side note, the return of the name plate is sometimes requested by families as a keepsake. This is perfectly in order and can be removed after verification and prior to the cremation. 

Whilst the Act does not call specifically for the use of a casket, for many families, the need to provide a dignified and respectful farewell is essential, and a suitable casket serves this purpose. The final farewell/funeral service or viewing is after all the final lasting memory that family members will have of their loved one, says Michael Powell, General Manager of Davis Funerals. Caskets and Shroud bearers are therefore a convenient, readily sourced, purpose built and meet all necessary legislative requirements says Powell. 

Caskets come in a variety of materials, styles, finishes and price. Suitable caskets for cremation are generally made from timber, MDF (particle board) or cardboard or wicker and further, the use of a shroud wrapping the body placed on a suitable bearer board is also permissible. Reputable funeral directors do not sell caskets, instead, the listen to the family and in response, present all available options. Choosing the right casket is a very personal decision and such decisions are often made based on cost, appearance, or a memory they evoke of the deceased. A no obligation, free of charge discussion with a member of the Davis Funerals team will help ensure the right choice is made. Looking back over the years, I have also seen some fabulous home-made caskets says Powell. It is strongly recommended however that you speak to your funeral director to obtain the right dimensions and necessary design considerations to facilitate safe handling of the casket at the crematorium. It should be noted that metal, glass, and explosive materials cannot be used in the construction of the casket or items made of the same placed as items in the casket. 

Have you got a question? The team at Davis Funerals welcome questions from readers. Feel free to drop us a note at mike@davisfunerals.co.nz . 

Following on from our commentary last month in this column, we stressed the need to be careful reading or listening to everything you hear, it should come as no surprise that there are groups in existence today that go out of their way to openly undermine the valuable and meaningful services provided by funeral homes up and down the country, even going so far as to suggest that attending to the practicalities and legal necessities that must be observed can easily be looked after by those close to the deceased; of course all whilst at the same time they mourning the loss. At Davis, we are at times contacted by families who have taken this route and subsequently turn to us seeking urgent intervention on account of them being overwhelmed by the additional stress and trauma that such ill-gotten advice has caused and serving only to deepen their grief. 

As funeral director myself, one thing I have observed over the years is the sense of urgency that overcomes family members, and the pressure they feel to make decisions in relation to funeral care and the farewell of their loved one at warp-speed. 

We strongly people ‘to slow down and seek guidance from an experienced and qualified funeral director’, says Michael Powell, General Manager at Davis Funerals. 

At Davis, we encourage families to take time to think through what an appropriate funeral or farewell looks like, says Powell. A concern that is often raised is the likely increased cost attributed to delays whilst arrangements are set in place, or whilst family travel back into the country. At Davis, we ensure the highest level of care is provided to those individuals who we have the privilege of looking after. “It costs no more to have a service this week, as it does to have a service in two- or three-week’s time” says Powell. Our standard care for the deceased ensures family have time to mourn, time to plan, and time to prepare themselves for that all important farewell and that throughout the entire process, their loved one is afforded the very highest level of care to ensure their presence throughout is possible, enabling open-casket services, visitations or facilitating the deceased’s return home to the family home, marae or other such place of meaning. 

Here at Davis, we firmly believe that a meaningful farewell is an essential step in recognising the end of a loved one’s physical life, and to assist that transition to the emotional abyss of life without that person. A funeral helps those close to the deceased to make sense of the grief they are, and will undoubtedly suffer, says Michael Powell General Manager, Davis Funerals.  

Whilst there is an inherent cost associated with a funeral or farewell, it is a one time cost, it often accords the wishes of the deceased, but most importantly provides a vital opportunity for family, friends, community connections to give thanks for the life of the  the person who has died, to reflect on the impact that the deceased has had on their lives and most importantly to come together, to share stories, comfort and console each other. At Davis, we have had opportunity to witness the impacts of the inevitable complicated grief state that the absence of a farewell creates from family members who have attended our annual remembrance service we hold every December, says Powell. These people have told us that they have lived with the emotional discomfort of missing out on that final goodbye, and how they had wished they had done something at the time of their loved one’s death.  

In terms of relative costs, a funeral is considerably cheaper than other life event ceremonies such as weddings, and provides a onetime only opportunity to honour the life of somebody and say goodbye that final time. 

• They belong to the Funeral Director’s Association of New Zealand, providing you with confidence they are held to account by an independent regulator, adhere to an ethical code of practice and are regularly audited against a set of operating requirements.  

• It’s also important is to understand the level of knowledge and skill. This is particularly important where there may be mixed-race family considerations, specific cultural or religious rituals that need to be honoured as well as ensuring all those close to the deceased are properly guided through their individual grief journeys. One easy way to ensure such knowledge exists is to look at each funeral home’s commitment to training and service excellence through the number of registered and qualified  funeral directors they employ. You only get to farewell a loved one once. Recent media coverage of incidents in Auckland and the Waikato highlight both the irreparable emotional damage and risks of making the wrong decision.  

• Finally, work with a company that provides end to end funeral care. This ensures that from the very first call you make to them, the transferring of the deceased, mortuary care, funeral planning and organisation of grief counselling and support is under the care of the same team of people, from the same company in the same facilities. 

Pre-planning your funeral is a thoughtful step to ensure your wishes are understood and upheld. We’ve found that pre-planned and personalized farewells and funerals offer great comfort to families, knowing they are honouring their loved one’s wishes. We further recommend discussing your plans with your family and those close to you as the funeral is a final act and it is important that their grief will be properly supported when the time comes 

“Funeral homes have traditionally been places people engage with only when absolutely necessary, but our aim here at Davis is to change all that,. Davis’ mission is bigger than that. In addition to providing quality funeral care we recognise that it is our role to be active in the communities that we serve, enriching and improving people’s quality of life. We do this through our close relationship and valued partnerships with a number of organisations, including Hospice West Auckland, Totara, Mercy and Dove Hospices, and the Auckland Philharmonic. We also partner with The Grief Centre, to enable us to offer free counselling sessions to our families, helping them work through their grief.” Says General Manager,  Michael Powell. 

At Davis Funeral Care, we believe in the power of community and compassionate care. We’re here for more than just the hard moments; we’re here to support you through all of life’s chapters. 

Let’s start these important conversations now.  

A recent story on RNZ highlights this very issue. The article, “The Conversations You Don’t Want to Have with Your Parents – But You Should,” explores the perspectives of different individuals, all addressing the same essential topic: how to have open, honest discussions with loved ones about their wishes for the future. You can read the full article here.

Why These Conversations Matter

Talking to your parents about their end-of-life wishes can be uncomfortable, but it’s a conversation that can save heartache later on. These discussions ensure that everyone is on the same page and that your parents’ values, preferences, and plans are respected. It’s about making sure that when the time comes, decisions are guided by their wishes rather than guesswork or assumptions.

The RNZ story highlights several key points of view, showing how different families approach this sensitive topic. Some speak about the emotional hurdles of initiating these discussions, while others share the relief and clarity that comes once the conversations have taken place. The article demonstrates that while the topic may be difficult, the rewards of understanding and preparedness far outweigh the initial discomfort.

Key Takeaways from the Article

1. Start Early
   Don’t wait for a crisis to begin these conversations. The earlier you start, the easier it is to approach the topic calmly and without added stress.
2. Be Honest and Open
   Share your thoughts and concerns, and encourage your parents to do the same. Honesty fosters trust and ensures that everyone feels heard.
3. Focus on Their Wishes
   This isn’t about making decisions for your parents; it’s about understanding what they want. Their preferences should guide the discussion.
4. Involve Professionals if Needed
   Sometimes, having a mediator like a family counsellor or lawyer can help navigate more complex aspects of the conversation, such as legal or financial planning.

How We Can Help

At Davis Funerals, we understand the importance of these conversations and the peace of mind they bring. As professionals in funeral planning and pre-planning funerals, we’re here to provide support and guidance to families navigating these discussions. Our services are designed to ensure that your loved ones’ wishes are respected and that families feel confident about the decisions they make together.

Whether you’re starting the conversation for the first time or looking for resources to help guide the discussion, we’re here to assist every step of the way.

Read More

For more insights and perspectives on this important topic, we highly recommend reading the full RNZ article, “The Conversations You Don’t Want to Have with Your Parents – But You Should.” By Alexia Santamaria * You can find it here.

Starting these conversations may feel daunting, but they are a vital step in ensuring clarity, respect, and peace of mind for everyone involved. Don’t wait for the right moment—create it.